i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
