I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.