im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.