i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.