im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"