U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
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Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.