dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.