Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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