I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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