Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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