You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize