Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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