so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
