you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
