So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
