At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
