There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
