I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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