It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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