Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
