So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
