Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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