Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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