Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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