i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
