Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
