i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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