I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
