Your face is a jimmy john
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
