so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
