4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
