Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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