come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
