i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
