I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
