you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
