My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
