I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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