A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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