I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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