why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
