I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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