Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
