So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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