there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
