Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
