Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
