when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
