how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
