You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
