Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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