I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
