i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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