OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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