Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
