He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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