I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
