This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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