im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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