Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
