We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
