ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
