At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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