yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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