I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
