this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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