I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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