Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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