it's too hot outside to masturbate.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
