I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize