Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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