I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
