And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
