Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you never un-have a 4some
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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