Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
