went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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