i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
