Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
COCAINE IS GR8
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