i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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