Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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