the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
