i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have started to decorate penises.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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