Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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