so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
